Your least favorite person in your Social Studies seminar visits a therapist. But don’t worry, “Harvard Man” — an archetype that plagues this particular ivory tower — isn’t cured. He will still interrupt you to explain your own lived experiences to you tomorrow.
The following is a transcript from Cookie Monster’s recent guest lecture at the Harvard Business School. Like Kim K., he also wore his finest pinstriped pantsuit, black leather trench coat, and (though not for public viewing) SKIMS undergarments. Unlike Kim K., Mr. Monster opted to perform his speech to the tune of his smash hit, “C is for Cookie.”
It’s getting harder and harder to get into Harvard. Forget about all the stress that comes with crafting the perfect application and simply secure your spot by becoming a boba shop. You’ll find your way into every single classroom in no time.
For Josh, our favorite perpetually confused eternal freshman, who is processing the end of a relationship this February, the red and pink cheer only serves as a reminder of all that’s been lost. So, FM asked some of our writers: what would you tell a heartbroken Josh?
As Valentine’s Day approaches, couples come together joyously, but for one unfortunate pair of lovers, the season marks an untimely demise to their passionate romance.