How to: Recover from Taylor Swift's Breakup

Dear reader,

Love is not real, happiness does not exist, and life has lost all its meaning.

That’s right: Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn have officially broken up.

How can we possibly go on? She wrote DAYLIGHT about THIS MAN. He was the 1 who made love golden??? He was the king of her heart?? HER LONDON BOY?? WHAT HAPPENED TAYLUH??

If you are nearly as disoriented as I am by this news, please feel free to join me on my road to recovery.

Step one: Deny, deny, deny.

Did you ever hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Yeah, that’s me. It didn’t happen if I don’t believe it happened. Let’s think: how many times has Entertainment Tonight reported that they were engaged? Married? Pregnant? Too many for them to ever be reliable. Taylor and Joe have the privacy sign on their door!! Everyone is saying the end is coming, but she’s running home to his sweet nothings!

Just like I refuse to accept Harvard men’s incapability of romance, I refused to even CONSIDER the reports.

Then, People magazine confirmed it. Then, CNN. Then, Taylor cried performing Champagne Problems.

*voice breaks* Maybe it is real then??

Step two: Rationalize.

Okay — she replaced “invisible string” with “the 1” on her tour. Either she’s messing with us, or she is fully confirming the news. Either way, I’ve come to the casually cruel realization that:

Cornelia street will never be walked again.

She can go anywhere she wants, just not home.

The story of them looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Step 3: Prepare (mentally)

We are officially going to be listening to Taylor Swift’s breakup songs to get over Taylor Swift’s breakup.

In one aspect, this is a good thing. Not for her of course, but like… for me. Girl has been writing too many love songs lately. I just can’t relate. The entire Lover album has induced more of my tears than “Dear John” ever did.

Is this a sad, beautiful tragedy … or inspiration? Call it what you want, but that next album is going to hit. Blondie wrote “Last Kiss” (aka the most gut-wrenching, soul-shattering song) about a man she dated for three months.

This was SIX YEARS. SIX YEARS WORTH OF PAIN (& LYRICS).

Step 4: Accept.

Everything happens for a reason. People break up, people grow apart, and people move on. We know this all too well.

At least now she won’t have to settle for paper rings or cheap-ass screw-top rosé (jokes!) (still love you joe!)

Now grab your tissues, make her famous chai cookie recipe, and blast this playlist.

Don’t worry, she will begin again. Love is not dead (right?)