The Seven Personalities At Every Harvard Party

If you’ve ever been to a Harvard party—yes, those do exist—you’ve probably met at least one of these party personalities. If you haven’t, then it’s probably you.

The winggirl/wingman

Even with some liquid courage, most of us are still too shy to approach that cute person we’ve been eyeing across the room. After all, we all fall somewhere on the socially awkward spectrum. The winggirl/wingman is well versed in the practice of extolling your many (or limited) virtues and knows that their job isn’t complete until you are heading out the door for some “Tasty Burger.”

The guy that’s trying too hard

You know who we're talking about. You’re at a party just trying to have a good time, and some guy just inserts himself into the circle. As a collective whole, you and your friends relocate. But this mans is persistent. Next thing you know, he’s back making eyes at you. And when he finally gets the hint, he starts making moves on your friends. How many places can a group relocate in a tiny dorm?!

The designated c*ckblock

We’ve all been there. Someone gets a little too close for comfort and we start to panic. Well, that’s what the designated CB is for. When we need them the most, they slide right in between us and the offender. The designated CB personality comes in multiple forms—it is also the friend you implore to keep you from making bad decisions that you will end up making anyway. In this way, the designated CB will try to keep you away from the target, be it a Bumble date or Burnette's bottle, but their success may vary.

The girl that’s just waiting for her friends to finish making fools of themselves so she can get El Jefe’s

Okay, there’s something to be said for a good party. But have you ever had a cheese quesadilla from El Jefe’s? Or better yet, have you ever had a cheese quesadilla from El Jefe’s at 2 a.m.? This girl is dying inside watching her friends engage in questionable behavior, but she knows that if she can stay strong, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

The mom friend/dad friend

While there is no need for a designated driver, the long walk back from the Quad can be treacherous. I think it’s safe to say that if not for the parent friend, there is a very real possibility of being lost in the Quad, never to return. On top of their navigational responsibilities, the parent friend is the friend that will keep your thirst under control—making sure that you both get plenty of water and aren't coming on too strong.

The one just tryna forget their problems

Whether it’s three psets that were due last week or the stupid guy that just won’t text back, where better to evade your problems than at a party? Or more accurately, where better to create bigger problems instead? This person will look like they’re having the time of their life, but when you spend 12 hours Monday through Friday on the grind, watching paint dry could qualify as a good time.

The one that’s GONE

"I did what at the party?"

As the "warmer" weather of spring approaches, the campus party drive grows stronger and these personalities come out to play. Make sure to look out for them during your next rendezvous, so you know who to keep track of (the one that's gone) and who to ask to hold your hair back (the mom friend).