Yale Has the Mumps

By Megan M. Ross

UPDATED: November 29, 2016, at 4:30 p.m.

It looks like CS50 isn't the only thing Yale has decided to steal from us: according to an email sent to the Yale student body earlier today, Yale has 2 suspected cases of the mumps. Our bad, guys.

While Dr. Paul Genecin (New Haven’s counterpart to the infamous Dr. Paul J. Barreira) didn’t specifically blame the outbreak on inter-school hookups from earlier this month, he did throw some shade our way. But hey, at least the Bulldogs won’t have to suffer through quarantine at the Inn—apparently being quarantined on campus from New Haven is punishment enough.

With mumps making its long awaited comeback just days before The Game, it seems that that our very own claim to fame was almost destined to make its way all the way to New Haven. Yalies, don’t let that vaccination history fool you. No one is safe. Depending on how you decided to spend your Harvard-Yale weekend (read: how many red solo cups you decided to share with strangers, and which finals clubs you chose to frequent) your fate may have already been decided.

In his email, Genecin also cited some of the most common modes of transmission for the highly contagious virus. Note that “sloppy makeout at the Harvard-Yale tailgate” did not make the short list. Nor did “taking swigs from a bottle of vodka handed to you by a stranger,” though we’re sure that should fall under “indirect or direct contact with an infected person’s nose or throat droplets.”

While revenge may be a dish best served cold, we couldn’t wait another school year to make up for our devastating loss at this year’s Game. So, it appears that this holiday season, we decided to give Yale the gift that keeps on giving. Best of luck trying to handle the outbreak that’s taken us almost two semesters to control!

The lesson to be learned here is plain and simple: while Yale may have won the game, we gave them the mumps. That’s what you get when you mess with the Crimson.

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