Advice for Freshman Parents Weekend

By Steven A Soto

Freshman Parents weekend is here. This upcoming weekend will see the Yard flooded with hundreds of parents from across the globe donning Crimson attire. While we could go through all the events happening this weekend and tell you which ones sound interesting, we will instead focus on the most important aspect of Parents Weekend: how to ensure that your parents will see you as having blossomed into a fully responsible college adult who most certainly has a grip on every aspect of life.

Prep your dorm room

The first step in getting ready for Parents Weekend is to prepare your dorm room. While most parents are likely attune to the realities of college life, some still remain willfully and blissfully ignorant. For freshman whose parents fit this latter category, we suggest doing an extensive sweep of your dorm room to get rid of any incriminating material.

First and foremost, hide the alcohol. Your parents’ confidence in your competency will not be reinforced by the sight of illicit substances strewn across the floor. Transfer your alcohol to nondescript water bottles, or just invite your friends over to your room and finish all the alcohol before your parents arrive. Don’t clean your room too well however– that unidentifiable lingering odor will be your best tool in getting your parents out of your dorm room quickly before they have had any time to look around.

Friday and Saturday Nights- Do's and Dont's

Your parents, in their desire to spend time with you, will most likely wish to extend family bonding time into the evening hours. It is important to carefully navigate this stretch from 9 p.m. to midnight, lest your parents be exposed to the horrors of weekends in a college town. First, freshmen should avoid taking their parents to Felipe’s after 9. Although those burritos may be tempting, the intoxicated students streaming up to the rooftop bar isn’t a sight that you want your parents to witness. Tasty Burger should also be avoided after 10 p.m. at all costs.

Instead, start the night off by taking your parents to Annenberg once so that they’ll feel bad enough to buy you meals at actual restaurants for the rest of the weekend. Finally, stay off Mount Auburn Street after 10. The sight of people stumbling down the Mount Auburn will provoke a conversation that you really don’t want to have: “Oh, you don’t go to these parties when we’re not around, right?

Remember, freshmen: this weekend is all about pretending your room is in fact this clean all the time and lamenting about how much you miss homemade food (read: please stock up my fridge with Whole Foods and also take me out to every meal so I have leftovers for the rest of this week).

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