Rhyme and Reason

By Mireya Sánchez-Maes

Housing Day. Yay.

We all are fast approaching
That magic time of year
Which brings such raw excitement
And just a touch of fear.

The Yard’s abuzz with chatter
And stakes are running high
For first years will get sorted soon
And Housing Day is nigh.

But lemme tell you folks,
Things out there are getting vicious
Cause all those Harvard freshman
are like, hella superstitious.

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Don’t Be a Bro, Yo

Once upon a time
In a land not far away
There lived a humble bro-man.
For now, we’ll call him Jay.

Jay always scoffs at tourists.
And grunts while at the gym.
He thinks that everyone he meets
Is way less smart than him.

He calls all women “females”
And wears his collar popped.
He rants about his startup,
Then consulting, when that flopped.

He cries, “It’s the professor’s fault!”
When he receives a B.
He only hits on freshman girls
And yeah, he punched the Spee.

But Jay was not always this bad,
No, his descent was slow.
I’ll tell you how this freshman lad
Grew up to be a bro.

When Jay got into Harvard
He was happy as can be.
See, Jay believed with all his heart
In meritocracy.

“Hell yeah, they finally picked me!
They clearly were impressed.
Privilege? Ha. That’s not a thing.
I’m here ‘cause I’m the best.”

And so he came to campus
With a confidence unbridled.
The sort of poise that only comes
To those who feel entitled.

Jay started classes quickly
But whined and pouted plenty
“I hate that Harvard makes me
Take this stupid Expos 20!”

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A(verse) to Legacy Admissions

Welcome back dear reader
I’m about to spill some tea
And reveal a juicy secret
‘Bout that prized Harvard degree.

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Have Some Fun, Hon

Welcome one, and welcome all
It’s great to have you here.
This will be my column
For the next, like, half a year.
“What’s with all the rhymes?” you ask
“You sound like you are three.”
First of all, rude.
And second, wait and see.

I’ve noticed something worrisome
It’s really quite mysterious
that many Harvard undergrads
Are simply far too serious!
They only read the classics.
And work themselves to death
They hope for Goldman Sachs and Bain
With tense and baited breath.

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