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Fifteen Most Hottest Freshmen

By Rohan W. Goel
By Se-Ho B. Kim, Crimson Staff Writer

It’s finally here! Without further ado, the hottest, youngest, and now most popular people at the College:

Emma R. Adler

First date icebreaker: “How long can high literature continue to fetishize the impenetrable?”

Middle initial stands for: “The Rock”

Favorite crops: Squash, maize, and climbing beans

Natalie T. Chang

Favorite movie to snuggle up to: “Boyhood”

Favorite bands: Animal Collective, Beach House, Dirty Projectors, Passion Pit, Phoenix

Favorite exec: Alan R. Xie

Erica X Eisen

Literature or Chris Brown?: Chris Brown

Tattoos: “Pete” and “Princess” surrounding a crown on her wrist (“Pete” is now crossed out), a tattoo of Johnny Cash and Kim Jong-il’s hypothetical child on her left bicep, and “Breath” on her left rib cage, to remind her to keep breathing.

Favorite exec: Alan R. Xie

Will Holub-Moorman

Least favorite student-run organization: WHRB

Has girlfriend: No

Favorite tree: Arbre du Ténéré

Grace E. Huckins

Literature or Genocide?: Genocide

Career goals: Campus Arts Executive

Ideal date: We go to the movies. As we climb the stairs to the back row, I stop. “Oh crap,” I say. “I have to go to a meeting. Sorry.” You look upset, but you bought the ticket already. You make your way, alone, to your seat. The movie is about poor people, terminal illness, and children dying. You exit the theater after two traumatizing hours. Your head spins with fragmented scenes from the film. Your ribs feel like caving in. Your heart feels like a paper crane. It is 9:30 p.m., it is raining, and you have no umbrella.

Adela H. Kim

Snapchat best friends:

Snapchat friends:

People she Snapchats most frequently: Natalie T. Chang, Alan R. Xie

David J. Kurlander

Role model: Liam Neeson

Nickname he gave himself: “The colander”

Catchphrase: “It’s the colander.”

Neha Mehrotra

Favorite Chris: Chris Brown

Favorite Drake: Sir Francis Drake (1540-1596), circumnavigating English privateer of the Elizabethan era

Second Favorite Chris: Chris Christie

Abby L. Noyes

Something most people don’t know about me: I’m Banksy.

Favorite hobbies: Destroying the system

If I had one wish…: I would change The Crimson’s quote review policy so I could take back what I said about being Banksy.

Tree A. Palmedo

Favorite summer jam: “In the Mood” by Glenn Miller

St. Vincent the musician or “St. Vincent” the 2014 comedy film?: Film by a long shot. Annie Clark sucks.

Favorite will: Shakespeare’s will

Alan R. Xie

My friends would describe me as: A nice guy

Film pitch: So there’s this guy. And he’s this cool, popular dude in a frat and on the school paper, so everybody likes him, you know? But he’s just so soft inside. I mean, just emotionally, he’s always one one-night stand away from breaking. But then he meets this guy, this guy named Jude, and they just connect, you know? It’s confusing at first for them both because they’re just so different. Jude’s this strong, tough—just really resilient in every way. Just the complete opposite of this frat bro. It’s a story about unexpected friendship, intangible lust, and a quadruple homicide. Starring Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.

Most commonly felt emotion: Regret

—Destroyer of worlds Se-Ho B. Kim is neither hot nor a freshman; thus he is not included on this list. He can be reached at sehokim@thecrimson.com.

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