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It’s finally here! Without further ado, the hottest, youngest, and now most popular people at the College:
Emma R. Adler
First date icebreaker: “How long can high literature continue to fetishize the impenetrable?”
Middle initial stands for: “The Rock”
Favorite crops: Squash, maize, and climbing beans
Natalie T. Chang
Favorite movie to snuggle up to: “Boyhood”
Favorite bands: Animal Collective, Beach House, Dirty Projectors, Passion Pit, Phoenix
Favorite exec: Alan R. Xie
Erica X Eisen
Literature or Chris Brown?: Chris Brown
Tattoos: “Pete” and “Princess” surrounding a crown on her wrist (“Pete” is now crossed out), a tattoo of Johnny Cash and Kim Jong-il’s hypothetical child on her left bicep, and “Breath” on her left rib cage, to remind her to keep breathing.
Favorite exec: Alan R. Xie
Least favorite student-run organization: WHRB
Has girlfriend: No
Favorite tree: Arbre du Ténéré
Grace E. Huckins
Literature or Genocide?: Genocide
Career goals: Campus Arts Executive
Ideal date: We go to the movies. As we climb the stairs to the back row, I stop. “Oh crap,” I say. “I have to go to a meeting. Sorry.” You look upset, but you bought the ticket already. You make your way, alone, to your seat. The movie is about poor people, terminal illness, and children dying. You exit the theater after two traumatizing hours. Your head spins with fragmented scenes from the film. Your ribs feel like caving in. Your heart feels like a paper crane. It is 9:30 p.m., it is raining, and you have no umbrella.
Adela H. Kim
Snapchat best friends:
People she Snapchats most frequently: Natalie T. Chang, Alan R. Xie
David J. Kurlander
Role model: Liam Neeson
Nickname he gave himself: “The colander”
Catchphrase: “It’s the colander.”
Favorite Chris: Chris Brown
Favorite Drake: Sir Francis Drake (1540-1596), circumnavigating English privateer of the Elizabethan era
Second Favorite Chris: Chris Christie
Abby L. Noyes
Something most people don’t know about me: I’m Banksy.
Favorite hobbies: Destroying the system
If I had one wish…: I would change The Crimson’s quote review policy so I could take back what I said about being Banksy.
Tree A. Palmedo
Favorite summer jam: “In the Mood” by Glenn Miller
St. Vincent the musician or “St. Vincent” the 2014 comedy film?: Film by a long shot. Annie Clark sucks.
Favorite will: Shakespeare’s will
Alan R. Xie
My friends would describe me as: A nice guy
Film pitch: So there’s this guy. And he’s this cool, popular dude in a frat and on the school paper, so everybody likes him, you know? But he’s just so soft inside. I mean, just emotionally, he’s always one one-night stand away from breaking. But then he meets this guy, this guy named Jude, and they just connect, you know? It’s confusing at first for them both because they’re just so different. Jude’s this strong, tough—just really resilient in every way. Just the complete opposite of this frat bro. It’s a story about unexpected friendship, intangible lust, and a quadruple homicide. Starring Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.
Most commonly felt emotion: Regret
—Destroyer of worlds Se-Ho B. Kim is neither hot nor a freshman; thus he is not included on this list. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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