IN WINTHROP HOUSE, November 12, 2014.
The unanimous Declaration of one very unsure sophomore,
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a sophomore to commit to a concentration, mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the concentration.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal, and that all concentrations are not—That sophomores are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a High GPA—That to secure these rights, departments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the deadline-focused consent of the departmentalized—That whenever any Plan of Study becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Sophomores to fill it out anyway.
The history of the present Dean Khurana of Harvard College is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these sophomores. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused a joint concentration in History and Literature and Folklore and Human Evolutionary Biology, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions for a Comparative Dog and Cat Studies concentration have been answered only by repeated injury.
We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, and hold other sophomores, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in different concentrations, in same concentration Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of Ambiguously Decided Sophomores, in the Dining Hall, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme FAS standing committee in Special Concentrations for the rectitude of our intentions, do solemnly publish and declare, That we are, and of Right ought to be, Economics concentrators; and that as Free and Independent Economics concentrators, we have full Power to talk about War, discuss Peace, chat about Alliances, establish Commerce, show off how much we know about Commerce to our friends, and to do all other Acts and Things which Economics concentrators may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor and Collaboration Policies.